How mowing became therapy...


So something happened to me this weekend. I mowed the yard. I wanted to mow! Some of you may think well big deal. Or some may think, why?

I have probably mowed the yard once in 30 years. Why? Not because I didn’t want to. Not because someone was hired to do the yard. But because I wasn’t allowed to.

So as I mowed Saturday I had many emotions. One was excitement, Woohoo I was mowing! The other was Wow, I don’t know the last time I mowed. Then one was, I hope I don’t mess up. The next, I hope I don’t run over anything. The next, I hope I don’t break something. Then, oh gosh what if I break something. Then, oh no what if I mess up something, then there were tears.

What I went through were emotions that had to do with messing up and all of those feelings and emotions had to do with my past. In that relationship I did things wrong on a daily basis, according to somebody else. When those things were done wrong according them, I was yelled at, I was told I couldn’t do it, I was told I didn’t know how to do it right, and then I was made to feel stupid, inferior and beaten down verbally.

As I am mowing and running over sticks, probably not in a straight line, missing spots, I’m brought a drink of water. “Take a drink baby. You OK? Do you need a break? Do you want some more water?” I looked at him smiled and said thank you, I’m doing good and smiled bigger. As I continued to mow the tears started falling there was no one going to tell me I was doing it wrong. That I was going to break something, or I was going to be yelled at, told how stupid or whatever the comments would be. That part of my life was over. It’s not coming back. But this stuff is so deep inside you, you don’t even know it until it comes to the surface. And when it does it is a giant slap in your face. But know this, it’s coming. You are not going to expect it. So when it does come to the surface greet it, acknowledge it, embrace it, and then throw it all away and know that’s not your life anymore and it will never be that way and you’re in a good place and no longer need to be afraid or scared or waiting to see what’s going to happen next. . Because what’s going to happen is when the right person is in your life, they will walk up to you and offer you a drink of water, check and make sure you’re OK, and do you need a break. The caring awesome and amazing person in your life will never tear you down. Ever! They will take care of you. Always.

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